One-Minute Melee: Hank the Cowdog VS Bucky Katt
by Orange Ratchet
Summary: On their way to a cat show in California, Bucky, Satchel and Rob stop at a convenience store in Twitchell, Texas to stock up on supplies. However, when Bucky meets up with Hank the Cowdog, Bucky knows that this dog is trouble when both dog and cat challenge each other to a fight! Who will come out on top... and be in trouble for it? Based off Hyper Gauge's One-Minute Melees!


DISCLAIMER TIME! I don't own Hank the Cowdog, which belongs to John R. Erickson, or Get Fuzzy, which belongs to Darby Conley! I also don't own the concept of 1 Minute Melee, which belongs to Hyper Gauge!

After almost a month, I figure I may as well bring you the first match of One-Minute Melee Season 3 in action, so hopefully you guys are as excited for this series premiere! Anyway, enjoy!

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 **1 Minute Melee!  
Where the most fun people have is in the fight!  
Two fighters! Sixty seconds! One victor!**

 ** _GO!_**

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 **(Twitchell, Texas)**

The town of Twitchell was usually a nice little town. Occasionally quiet, save for the sounds of dogs barking. It was a nice little town where nobody bothered anybody. But this story takes place in a little convenience store set between the course of town, called the 'Waterhole #83' as a pick-up truck was parking. A cowboy known by the name 'Slim Chance' was coming out... when he noticed something in his mirrors. He turned and frowned as he saw two dogs in the back of his pick-up.

The first dog had brown fur with a confident look on his face and a wagging tail. The second dog had white fur that was pretty short, a sad look on his face, though trying to keep up with the brown dog's confident look as he wagged his hiney since he had a stub tail.

Slim groaned as he facepalmed. "Loper is going to have a field day..."

Slim then walked over to the back of the pick-up as he put a hand in his pocket. "You know, dogs, I keep giving you explicit instructions not to come... why do you do it, anyway? Just... what goes in your mind, anyway?"

The two dogs looked at each other in confusion, as if not comprehending Slim's question.

Slim shook his head. "All right... Hank, Drover, just stay in the back and don't cause trouble."

The two dogs wagged their tails in happiness as if understanding as Slim went inside the Waterhole. As soon as Slim was inside, Hank gave a glare to Drover.

"That's the last time I listen to you about 'joining Slim on a trip to town'. Drover, why don't you ever listen?" Hank, the brown furred dog, frowned.

"Actually Hank, I think you're the one who said, 'Slim would be lonely on the drive to town', and then I said, 'Remember when we went to that cattle drive', and then YOU said, 'It was a tough job, getting those cattle rounded up, but that's not the point, I think we should join Slim', and here we are." Drover said.

Hank frowned as he said, "Forget it. You always get us in trouble!"

"ME?" Drover crossed his eyes, but Hank had already turned his head, not in the mood for another 'Drover' conversation. He swore that talking with Drover always led to a lot of conversation changers.

At that exact moment, Hank had noticed a green car pulling up next to Slim's pick-up. Drover joined Hank as the two watched a human with short black hair, a red t-shirt and blue shorts going out the car as simultaneously, a short brown dog had opened up the car at the same time and jumped out.

"Hank? Can dogs open doors on their own?" Drover said in surprise as he turned to a confused Hank.

Hank didn't respond, he was more curious about what the human was doing as he opened up the door.

"Okay, Bucky, we're stopping in this convenience store to stock up." The human, known as Rob Wilco said as he pulled out... Hank had to examined closely... a white furred Siamese cat with a black furry head, black paws, purple/pink eyes, and a lone buck tooth sticking out of his mouth.

"About time! I'm low on tuna!" The cat, known as Bucky Katt, complained.

"Bucky, you eat tuna like Winnie the Pooh eats honey!" The brown dog, known as Satchel Pooch, gave a laugh.

"Oh, what do you know?" Bucky rolled his eyes as he was placed in the little baby carrier Rob wore around the body to carry Bucky around.

Hank, raising an eyebrow, had to chuckle as he turned to Drover. "Hey Drover, look at this. This weird looking cat has to be carried around like a baby!"

Drover looked over at Bucky being carried that way by Rob as Drover paused. "I suppose that is a little funny."

Hank and Drover kept watching as he stopped, noticing a sign. "Uh-oh."

"What is it, Rob?" Satchel asked as he looked up at the sign, then sighed in disappointment. "Aw..."

"Oh come on, no pets allowed? That's prejudice!" Bucky complained.

"Sorry, Bucky, but you know that there is a limit between you sentient animals and non-sentients, right?" Rob said. "While our home in Boston does know sentient animals, I guess this side of town doesn't have that. Guess I'll have to go in myself."

Rob then took Bucky off as he gave him to Satchel. "Satchel, hold Bucky's hand until I'm done looking for things. I know Bucky wants tuna, but just in case, do you want anything else?"

"Give me a smoothie and some crackers, I suppose." Bucky sighed.

"Could you find me some Fig Newtons?" Satchel asked.

Rob nodded. "All right, I'll see what I can muster up."

Rob Wilco then walked inside as Satchel held Bucky's hand. Bucky was mumbling, disgruntled as Satchel sat down. It was then both of the two became aware of the two dogs watching them as Satchel looked up and smiled. "Oh, hello! Local dogs?"

Drover gave a smile as he said, "I suppose you can say we're local!"

"Quiet, Drover, you've done enough talking for one day." Hank frowned, then turned to Satchel and Bucky. "Yes, we're from here. What do they call you?"

"Oh, my name is Satchel and this is my friend and brother-in-arms, Bucky!" Satchel smiled.

Bucky groaned. "Satchel, you are embarrassing me!"

Hank raised an eyebrow. "Wait... this cat is your 'brother-in-arms'?"

"That's right!" Satchel smiled. "I always make sure he doesn't go into trouble!"

Hank then gave a smirk. "Well, good thing, then. On this ranch..."

"We're not on the ranch."

Hank gave a glare to Drover. "What?"

"You said we're on the ranch, but we're not there." Drover said.

"I know that, Drover, I'm just using the ranch as a bit of a standing point." Hank frowned. "Anyway, the point is, it's good you don't take trash off the cat!"

Bucky's eyes widened as he glared at the brown mutt in the pick-up as Satchel smiled. "Hey, Bucky's always a nice guy... well, sometimes, but yeah, he can be a little tricky at times..."

"Oh please..." Bucky rolled his eyes as his eyes lit, getting an idea. "You know, Satchel, I'm glad we're going to California... I always wanted to be in a cat show!"

"...a cat show?" Hank's ears drooped in shock. "They have shows for cats?"

"Oh sure! I will admit they're a little prissy, but in the end, I always wanted to see one... it's like a perfect show for humans and cats to work together!" Bucky said.

"Yeah, it's sort of like a dog show!" Satchel pointed out.

"They have a show for dogs?" Hank raised an eyebrow in confusion, as if trying to calculate it.

When he noticed the brown dog was distracted, Bucky smirked. "You know, I can't wait to go there... I especially want to see the waterfall..."

Satchel blinked. "Waterfall? In a cat show?"

"Well, not a waterfall waterfall, but a large fountain that can produce a waterfall. Speaking of fountains, you think we'll see a water fountain? Oh, maybe a faucet would work... I always like that sound... drip, drip, drip, drip..." Bucky smirked as Satchel looked like he was ready to move. Bucky felt Satchel's hand loosening as his paw slipped off. "Bathroom's over there. Drip, drip, drip..."

With that, Satchel quickly ran off to the left as he turned to see Hank still thinking. Bucky picked up a large stick and intended to throw it at his target. Drover yelped as he ducked down and looked up to Hank, who was still thinking. "Uh, Hank, that cat got loose and is now intending to throw a stick!"

"Quiet, Drover, I'm trying to figure this out! Okay, so there are dog shows and cat shows..." Hank started to think.

WHACK!

Hank yelped as he turned to see Bucky giving an innocent smirk. "So, you think I'm dumb? Come down here and say it to my face!"

Hank frowned as he got up. "Maybe I will!"

Drover yelped as he noticed Hank about to jump out of the pick-up. "Hank, no, what about Slim's words?"

"Oh, stop your whining, I'll be done in a minute!" Hank said as he jumped down from the pick-up and turned to Bucky, who held a stance.

"And a minute... we shall have!" Bucky frowned as Hank stood in a stance.

"I can't watch." Drover said as he covered his eyes with his paws, knowing this wouldn't end well.

 **DOGS CHASE CATS, AND CATS CAN KICK BUTT!  
FIGHT!**

 **(60 Seconds)**

Hank proceeded to begin the match by jumping up in the air, intending to pounce straight up on Bucky. Bucky smirked as he rolled out of the way and pawed the side of Hank... before remembering he didn't have claws.

Hank growled as he turned towards Bucky and gave some severe barks at him. Bucky shook his head, not threatened at all... though his ears went up and his tail went bushy. He quickly picked up the same stick he threw as he held it. "Fetch?"

Hank frowned as he said, "Do you really think I do that... er..." Hank found himself following the stick Bucky was waving around. "...because that trick does not work! I am the Head of Ranch Security, and..." Hank kept following the stick with his eyes. "I'm highly trained for..."

"Fetch!" Bucky said, throwing the stick.

 **(50 Seconds)**

Hank's instincts instantly kicked in as he started chasing after the stick as Bucky gave a chuckle. Hank quickly pounced on the stick and put it in his mouth... then started to blink as he just realized what he did. Before he could retaliate though, Bucky jumped on Hank, causing him to yelp.

"Ride 'em!" Bucky said, covering Hank's eyes. Hank yelped as he tried to jump around, trying to get the cat off his back.

It was at that time Satchel came back, feeling relief... then he looked in shock as he saw Bucky riding around Hank. "Bucky, seriously! I left for a few seconds and this is what I come back to? Rob is going to be mad!"

Bucky wasn't really listening at this point as Hank threw the cat off his back. Hank frowned as he turned towards the smirking cat as Hank jumped towards the cat again.

 **(40 Seconds)**

Hank literally growled as Bucky rolled out of the way again. Hank decided to go into deep measures as he gave off some very deep barks. Bucky only hissed in response as he took the stick.

"You think I'm going to fall for that trick twice in a-" Hank started before Bucky jumped up and whacked him twice with the stick.

Hank growled as he took Bucky by the mouth and threw him up in the air, causing the cat to yelp as he fell down on the ground. Bucky sighed as he picked himself up and rubbed his butt.

"This is really keeping me on my toes... gives me some practice so I can finally get Fungo off his guard..." Bucky thought as he gave a wicked smirk. Unfortunately, Hank proceeded to bark at Bucky as Bucky proceeded to run, Hank following.

Hank growled in determination as Bucky found a nearby tree and started to climb it. Bucky then smirked as he sat down near a branch and picked up some apples.

 **(30 Seconds)**

Hank kept barking at the cat up in the tree... and yelped as Bucky kept throwing rotten apples.

"Hail! Hail!" Hank yelped as he covered his head.

"What? These are apples!" Bucky frowned. "Anyway, now I can get you hurt because dogs can't climb trees!"

Hank gave a smirk as he managed to jump up to a branch and climbed up to the same tree branch as Bucky.

Bucky's eyes widened as he said, "Uh, except for you, apparently."

Hank started to step cautiously as Bucky threw two more rotten apples at Hank. Hank growled as he jumped up, intending to get Bucky.

 **(20 Seconds)**

Bucky intended to jump out of the way... but yelped as he fell down the tree. Hank jumped on the branch, snapping it as now both of them were going down. Both dog and cat fell down, Bucky on his feet, Hank on his stomach.

Hank groaned as he got up and staggered a bit. Seeing an opportunity, Bucky jumped up in the air and latched on to Hank's face as he started to slap it around. Hank growled as he ran over to a nearby wall and started to headbutt it, causing Bucky to yowl as he was getting hit in the back by the wall.

Unfortunately, this caused Bucky to lose his grip and caused him to fall on his butt.

 **(10 Seconds)**

Bucky groaned, but Hank was determined as he started to give out a big bark as he finally jumped on the cat and started biting his neck, causing Bucky to screech in pain. Bucky kicked his face as he tried to push Hank off, but to no avail.

 **(5...)**

Bucky, seeing no other options, tried to find a stick to bash him on the head with.

 **(4...)**

Hank gave a confident smirk as he threw Bucky up in the air.

 **(3...)**

Bucky decided to turn towards Hank, as if attempting to give him a slap, even though he realized it was useless.

 **(2...)**

Hank smirked as he raised one of his paws once Bucky reached his eye level.

 **(1...)**

Hank laughed as he punched the cat straight in the face as Bucky flew off in the air.

 ** _KO!_**

Bucky groaned as Hank gave a cocky grin, Bucky looking up at him.

"And this just goes to show that Hank the Cowdog does not take trash off the cat! For you see..." Hank started.

"HANK!"

Hank stopped talking as his ears drooped. Hank turned nervously towards a frowning Slim Chance, who had just walked out of the convenience store with coffee in hand. Around the same time, Rob had came out in concern, seeing Bucky down as he turned to Satchel. "Satchel, what happened?"

Slim paid less attention to the pet whispering in Rob's ear as Slim glared at Hank. Hank tried to give a guilty face, and whereas he thought it was succeeding, it was really failing as he started to wag his tail.

"Pooch, isn't it bad enough you and Stubtail snuck into town? Now you have to beat up local animals? Shame on you! Get in the back of the pick-up! Now!" Slim said, pointing towards the pick-up.

Hank gave a huff as he walked towards the pick-up and hopped in the back, joining Drover.

"Uh, sir, I'm sorry about your cat!" Slim said, turning to Rob as Satchel picked up Bucky, who was only dazed.

"It's all right, if anything, it's my cat who started it." Rob frowned as he glared at Slim. "Don't worry about it. No harm done."

"Well... how much do I have to pay?" Slim frowned.

"Don't worry about it. Sometimes, my cat gets into this sort of trouble without thinking." Rob said.

Slim paused in surprise. "Heh, apparently my dog does too. I don't know why he misbehaves all the time."

Hank, hearing that, frowned at that remark.

"Anyway, we're just here to get some supplies before we head off to California." Rob said as he shook Slim's hand.

"Heh, I'm just picking up some groceries." Slim laughed. "Where you heading off?"

"California. There's a cat show going on and I'm taking my pets there." Rob explained.

"California?" Slim said. "Long way, isn't it?"

"We thought about going by plane, but Satchel doesn't take to planes." Rob explained as Satchel put Bucky up on the seat.

"It's true, I don't." Satchel said.

Slim blinked as he scratched his head. "Uh, did your dog just speak?"

"No..." Rob said, shifting his eyes.

Slim blinked before waving his hand. "Must be the heat."

All the while, Hank gave a glare towards Drover as he said, "I hope you're happy!"

"What did I even do?" Drover asked in confusion.

"You could have stopped me from trying to fight with someone's cat!" Hank frowned.

"I was, but you said it would take a-" Drover said.

"I don't want to hear it! Good night!" Hank said as he laid down.

"Uh, good night... except it's the middle of the day." Drover said in confusion.

"Shut your trap." Hank growled.

"Yes sir." Drover sighed as Hank closed his eyes, wanting to forget this battle ever happened.

Inside the car, Bucky rubbed his head as he said, "I don't feel well..."

"Hope you learned your lesson, Bucky..." Satchel frowned... then sighed. "Who am I kidding, you never do..."

 **This melee's winner is...**

 ** _HANK THE COWDOG_**

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 ** _NEXT TIME, ON SEASON 3 OF ONE MINUTE MELEE..._**

 _ **A love of explosives can take you far in life, but these two animals use their love explosives to the extreme!**_

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With that, Season 3 of One-Minute Melee begins! How'd you guys like it? Do you have any criticisms or good comments to say? Leave it in your reviews! Also, if you have any suggestions for One-Minute Melees, please leave it in your reviews, PMs, or if you're on Deviantart and you've seen them on my profile, comment a One-Minute Melee you'd like to see! Maybe I'll put it in my next season! Anyway, thank you all for reading this, have a great day!


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